“Criticism is something we can avoid easily — by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” –Aristotle
by Neal Whitten, PMP, Contributing Editor
WHO ISN’T FAMILIAR WITH CRITICISM? It comes from everywhere — friends, relatives, co-workers, supervisors, even strangers. While there is little we can do to prevent criticism from coming our way, there are ways of dealing with criticism that can turn it into a positive experience.
As project leaders, it is essential that we deal effectively with criticism. Let’s explore this powerful, yet often shunned, evaluation of our actions and behavior.
Criticism, for many of us, has the effect of penetrating our fragile self-esteem, often leaving us to analyze and question the truth behind the image we have of ourselves. For some, criticism can cut even deeper, and depression can seep into our being and leave us with a sharp sense of desperation — we just want to hide, to be left alone.
Why does criticism affect so many of us in this negative way? Some of the reasons for the control it appears to have over us include these:
- We fear rejection by the people who are part of our world — we don’t want to be turned upon.
- We are afraid that the criticism has merit and that we are wrong — we don’t want to look stupid.
- We don’t like the image we have of ourselves and the criticism reenforces our negative self-image.
- We are frustrated because people won’t give us a chance to see how effective we really can be — they often seem to focus on the “bad” parts of us.
We can overcome these reasons for allowing others to negatively affect us. But know that you — and I — will never escape criticism. More often than not, you have no control over the criticism that comes your way. I repeat: You have no control. So, what can you do?
Learn to Expect Criticism. Criticism is going to happen. It is part of the reality in which we live. If you learn to expect criticism, you are far less likely to be caught off guard and far more likely to remain in control when the criticism arrives.
Learn to Recognize, Accept, and Welcome Constructive Criticism. Criticism can be categorized as either constructive or destructive. You should welcome constructive criticism; that is, criticism that is well meaning and intended to be useful. Constructive criticism should leave you with the feeling that you have been helped, that you have learned something about yourself and the impact that your actions are having on others.
But what about destructive criticism? Destructive criticism is input you receive that might have malicious overtones. This type of criticism offers no value to the recipient that would allow him or her to learn and grow from the experience.
A cautionary note: What appears to be destructive criticism is often constructive criticism delivered by a person who has difficulty expressing thoughts in a nonaggressive, tactful, and articulate manner. Listen carefully to apparently destructive criticism for useful information that it might be disguising.
Never Allow Criticism, Constructive or Destructive, to Negatively Impact Your Thoughts or Performance. At some time or other, you will find people who disapprove of your behavior or your decisions. (You might even project those feelings toward others from time to time.) Even the people you love, and who love you, will, at times, disapprove of your actions. Keep in mind that other people’s opinions are just that — opinions. If you allow what other people say about you to immobilize you, to negatively impact your thoughts or performance, then you are saying, in effect, that what other people think about you is more important than what you think about yourself.
What you think about yourself must always be more important to you than what others think about you. If you need the approval of others before you can feel good about yourself, you are giving permission to others to control you. If you don’t think well of yourself, it will show through in the relationships you have. People would rather be around those who feel good about who and what they are. It is OK and healthy to think well about yourself. This is not a selfish, uncaring action. Quite the opposite. It simply means that you have more to give to others if you think and feel good about yourself.
IN JUNE’S COLUMN, I’ll discuss an effective method for dealing with criticism.