If you keep an open mind, criticism can be a potent learning aid.
by Neal Whitten, PMP, Contributing Editor
In April’s column I discussed how criticism can — negatively affect us, reasons why we allow it to control us, and lessons to learn about criticism. This column discusses a method for dealing effectively with criticism.
Being negatively affected by criticism is a learned behavior. For many of us, our families, friends, school, and work environments have taught us that if we want another person’s approval, if we want to be liked and accepted by others, then we need to alter our behavior to accommodate our criticizers. This view is so widespread that most of us have it engraved into our makeup, as part of the core of what we perceive ourselves to be. Intentionally or not, people use criticism as a form of controlling our actions, controlling us. And we use criticism as a tool for controlling or hurting others.
How does one change the way he or she deals with criticism? Every time you receive criticism, constructive or destructive, ask yourself the following question and respond accordingly: Can I benefit in any way from the — criticism?
If the answer is yes, then welcome the opportunity to learn and grow, to be stronger tomorrow than you are today. If appropriate, show appreciation for the input.
If the answer is no, then discard the input and proceed with your plans.
You might think that this sounds too easy. It is not easy. It requires practice, and lots of it. But then, you have all kinds of opportunity to practice — each time you receive criticism. You need to change the way you perceive criticism. It should not be viewed as a bad thing. Instead, it should be viewed as an opportunity to learn, to improve yourself and enhance what you can offer to others. Criticism is truly a — potent learning aid, if we view it in the positive light that it deserves.
Criticism is here to stay. You can deal with it or be maimed or destroyed by it. You can learn and grow from it or slowly withdraw and fall apart from it.
Below is an exercise that can help you distinguish constructive criticism from destructive criticism and help you be able to effectively deal with any criticism when it occurs. Although, at first glance, this may seem to be a simple thing to do, you might find that your capabilities to deal with criticism when you are “under the gun” can be greatly diminished. This exercise can help prepare you to quickly distinguish between criticism that holds merit or criticism having empty value — and to conduct yourself — accordingly.
List every piece of criticism that you received over the past day or two. List everything, no matter how insignificant the remark or action seems to be. Follow your journey throughout the day and recall the people you had contact with, whether in person, on the telephone, through the mail, through a computer terminal, or whatever. Develop a list of at least 10 criticisms.
Now examine each item and mark whether it is an example of constructive (C) or destructive (D) criticism. If you can learn anything at all of value, mark it as constructive. As you mark each entry, recall how you felt when you received the criticism. Did it bother you? If so, recall what was said in Part 1 of this article about never allowing criticism to negatively impact your thoughts or performance. Visualize, as if the incident was being replayed, how you could have maintained your inner control. Repeat these actions for each item in the list. The more you visualize yourself maintaining your inner control and acknowledging the lessons you receive from constructive criticism, the more you are programming your mind to behave in the manner you truly desire. Practice this enough and it will become a part of the way you think and operate.
AS PROJECT LEADERS, it is essential that we deal effectively with criticism, both when receiving and when transmitting criticism. Our performance, as well as the performance of those within our domain of responsibility, will greatly benefit.